Dreams

But darling, sometimes dreams hurt me. I dreamt that we have two cups of tea after school while studying. I dreamt that we have those late videocalls while teaching each other. I dreamt that we fall asleep together with a pen in our hands. I dreamt that both of us fight for the right answer of the unsolved questions. I dreamt that we pass these last semester tests successfully together. That's how dreams hurt me, yeah the fact that those are just dreams. That's just a fairytale that lives in my head, never exist.

I miss you.

Like a sailor's heart not breathing.

And the sea without it's waves.

Like a painter's eye that stopped staring.

And colors only seen in grey.

Like a singer's voice who can't play it.

On those dusty broken strings.

Like a writer's mind who craved thinking.

As letters left his brain.

I miss you.

You came, I liked you. You left, I still liked you.

You came again, I loved you. You left again, I still loved you.

You came again and again, I loved you even more. You left again and again, I moved.

You came again and again and again, I loved you even more and more. Then you left again and again and again, I'm dying. 

And you ask me to not to be sad.

How could I?

The Hundredth Chance, The Hundredth Pain.

Second chances have never been a problem with me... I tend to give 7 or 8 or 100 or 9999 before I realize I'm a fucking idiot.

He was coming back for the 932842787984th times. It was once so good, so perfect. Feeling to be loved is the most beautiful thing of all. When you wake up, about to sleep, you smile cause that was brighten your days.

But it never worked out, never meant to be. He was just too sorry to see me cry in past day. It's kinda messed up. How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again, care for you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant a shit to them. And what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy.

Tell me why? Maybe I was naive got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance? Maybe we got lost in translation? Maybe I asked for too much? Or maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up?

Heart just be like I can't handle this kind of pain no more. So sick. I'm too weak. I can't walk around with my head and chin up. But brain be like I can do it. I am stronger than I think. I can get over it. I can get it out from my mind. I can walk with my chin up. I can smile again. Cause I am gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.

Thank you dear you,

...for being the reason why I was happy

...you made me feel special

...you made me feel loved

Thank you, for everything we've been through.

:)