to the magnificent you

Hi,

     I have been thinking, staring at this new-blank post page, and wondering how dare am I ever to say what I have in me here. 

     Hell yeah, I still remember how we felt sitting on the motocycah under those twenty-nine beautiful stars and a January moon. I waited for you long enough somewhere, cause you offered to drive me home. Traffic light on our eyes and there you go and there your words go and there your smile go and there my smile go and there we were begin. Such an unbelievable beautiful happiness. 

       Uh-huh, today is our first. Oh no can someone replace 'is' with parenthesis plus 'should be' on the first sentence of this paragraph please.

      Cause it was not that flawless. We got stuck and gave up without even a little effort. And done. But undone. At least for me. You... you are unpredictable and I can't even guess what do you mean by doing those nice little things for a girl like me---a clumsy little girl that notice every little things from you. A stupid girl that unrealized that still wishing is a waste of time. An idiot girl that still accidentally give you an awkward smile when you give some humors. A fool girl that always shed the tears when you hurt me.

       I said you hurt me... in every time I see you-and-her-moments. But hell-o? Did I say you hurt me? What a dumb of me. You are even no longer mine. I didn't suppose to see them as something that make me hurt. 

       You... such a beautiful mistake and I'm sick of it. Been a year and for some reasons and memories we made, I just can't get over us. 

"A sound, a smell, a look, a taste, a touch; can trigger the most deepest of emotional responses. They could be stuck on your memories forever and caused the painful; like hope in the springtime, like warmth in the autumn leaves, like the contentment in winter, or like fun on the beach in the summer. " 

     Dearest you, I love you in a very nostalgic but very genuine and grateful way. You've been good these last ten months and all I can do is just to always have your name in my prayers. Uhm... speaking of painful, I can't deal with how cheesy this post is becoming. Omg, no. Can you end a sentence with "becoming?" I think I need another whiskey. 

       And one point of all is, hi Jan 29th!                               

to the magnificent you

from the moron me

He smiled. Gallows humor. "I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up," he said.

"And it is my privilege and my responsibility to ride all the way up with you," I said.

"Would it be absolutely ludicrous to try to make out?"

"There is no try," I said. "There is only do."

Runaway

For so long, i dont believe that world is unfair. Sometimes, it just seems so. Seem doesnt mean it is, uh?

Now i am feeling so. I am in the edge of breaking down and no one is there to save me. For a moment i just wanna disappear. Actually no, i just wanna be found. 

These days, i rarely go out the classroom, i rarely go to canteen, and i always go home earlier than before. I dont wanna meet many people. No, actually certain people. No, actually that person.

I just realized something several days ago. Hearing something that absolutely kills you and having to act like you're fine? Not my specialist. Those things on the third paragraph. Yeah, i do it just to avoid me seeing something i dont wanna see. To avoid tears, to avoid more pain. I just... I am tired. Sick of all. Not loving you is harder than you know. 

And in the end... Yeah, this aint a fairytale and i dont think i'll ever be happy.

on bended knee

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?Yes, we can. But he won't.
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?- We didn't have any commitments.- It was my second so I was still too blind about how the real relationship should be.- My phone was broke. It caused communication failure.- I was afraid if I get too attached to him at school or socmed, I would make someone-who-still-love him get hurt.- He was just the right guy in the wrong time.
Can somebody tell me how you get things back the way they used to be?I bet no one can.
Oh God give me a reason i'm down on bended knee

"Kita semua pernah menjadi kembang api 

di tahun baru seseorang,

terbang menyala, meredup, kemudian selesai."

- Karizunique

Sesal

Pernahkah kamu menangkap bayangan seseorang di pelupuk matamu, kemudian tak sengaja satu persatu air jatuh dari kantung air matamu hanya karena menatapnya? Aku baru saja mengalaminya, kemarin.

Masih teringat ketika pertama kali ada nama yang selalu disenandungkan hati kecil ini. Ketika pertama kali menjadi tak karuan sikap ini saat seseorang itu berjalan melewatiku. Parahnya, ketika pertama kali aku curahkan perhatian dengan sedikit berlebihan kepada seseorang itu. Untuk mengerti penyebabnya butuh waktu bertahun sampai temanku berkata, 'mungkin itu cinta?'. Pun butuh waktu bertahun sampai seseorang itu akhirnya datang dan menyatakan rangkaian kata indah dari hatinya ke hatiku.

Awam aku dibuatnya. Pertama kali aku menjalani yang seperti itu. Aku tidak tau harus apa. Tapi aku sok tau. Sampai akhirnya ku rusak hari-hari bahagia kami dengan sedikit menambahkan bumbu pada konflik-konflik yang seharusnya bukan suatu yang perlu dijadikan sebesar itu. Berlebihan. Bodoh. Egois. Itu aku.

Dewasa ini, aku selalu menghujat diri sendiri. Beberapa perumpaan seperti, 'jika dulu begini pasti sekarang begini, jika dulu begitu pasti sekarang begitu' pun selalu dilontarkan dari mulut yang sesak dengan penyesalan ini. Apa yang membuat hati ini teriris adalah beberapa gambaran diri yang dia pantulkan lewat matanya dan tidak pernah berubah dari dulu hingga sekarang sehingga selalu terlukis di hatiku. Dewasa. Sabar. Lembut. Itu dia.

Ini kisah tentang cinta, bukan kisah cinta. Memang, aku belum menemukan apa arti kata itu. Tapi aku tidak bisa mengelak kalau aku pertama kali mengenal kata itu dan hampir mengetahui artinya dari dia. Hampir? Ya hampir. Jika aku tidak se-bodoh itu. Beberapa lama lagi aku harap aku dapat menemukan arti kata itu. Walaupun dengan dia lagi atau bukan dengan dia lagi.

Toh, bukan sesal namanya jika ada di awal, kan? Karena pada akhirnya memang akan ada sebagian orang yang akan sebenar-benarnya tau kalau kita menyayangi seseorang dalam waktu yang kurang tepat, yaitu ketika kita membiarkannya pergi begitu saja dan akhirnya menyadari bahwa kita tidak bisa apa-apa lagi. Contoh saja aku.

Hmmm?

Percakapan ini terjadi di selot ketika sedang makan bersama 3 makhluk berbeda jenis hari kamis, 9 januari 2014.
Sebut saja P: temen gue dan G: gue.

P  : *lagi liat-liat video dahulu kala*
G  : "gila kangen banget gak sih lu."
P  : "yaelah min move on kali..."
G  : "yaelah car udah kali.... Emang kalo udah move on gak boleh kangen?"
P  : "yadeeeh"

Hahahaha kangen. Kangen mereka. :)

if i could capture the light

in your eyes

in your smile

i'd be the most vile of villains

because to capture that beauty

would surely be a crime

and they'd lock me away

but what difference does it make

when i'm already prisoner

to the black of your hair

the green of your gaze

when i'm already seized

by the melody of your laugh

by the gesture of your body

when i'm already isolated

by the impossibility of your love

the fiction that is us

Kaleidoskop 2013

Gue tau banget ini way too lateee tapi kan better late than never jadi mau ngucapin....

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014, FELLAS!!!

Doa semua orang mungkin karena cuman mau semuanya bisa jadi jauh lebih baik dalam segala aspeknya. Juga.... mau jadi alasan orang-orang buat bisa lebih tersenyum dan maunya lebih sering senyum dan bahagia aja daripada sebelumnya. :)

Judulnya aja kaleidoskop, ya jadi mau nulis precious moments 2013 aja tapi tanpa penjelasan ya soalnya bakal panjaaaang banget. Here we go!

JANUARI

4 Januari      -- Villa bersama Casparian + Demisioner

19 Januari    -- Megaspirit

29 Januari    -- :)

FEBRUARI

lagi seneng-senengnya :)

MARET

3 - 6 Maret   -- Banding Budaya Smansa

23 Maret      -- :)

APRIL

23 April       -- Forkis

                     Ulang tahun + surprise dari keluarga

24 April       -- Surprise dari sahabat

25 April       -- Surprise dari classmates

MEI

lagi hectic segalanya tentang Smansa Day 2013

JUNI

18 Juni         -- Tenjolaya bersama X2

25 Juni         -- Dufan bersama Casparian

JULI

lagi sibuk-sibuknya buka bersama haha

+ SOTR Smansa 2013 + NAIK KELAS!!!

AGUSTUS    

8 Agustus      -- Lebaran + ultah wina

27 Agustus    -- Pembukaan regenerasi mpk

SEPTEMBER

semuanya hanya tentang regen

OKTOBER

27 Oktober   -- Selesai BDM

30 Oktober   -- Kampanye akbar

NOVEMBER

29-30 November -- Rapat Koordinasi Akbar

DESEMBER

18-19 Desember  -- Villa bersama Navigasi + Demisioner

31 Desember      -- Nginep di rumah Uci

YANG LUPA KAPAN

- Nusa 2013

- Mercusuar 2013

- Hari terakhir di kelas X2 yang seru banget

- Alumni Gathering 2013

- FKMB 2013

- Sertijab OSIS MPK

- dan masih super banyak222222 lagi!!!! sumpah

Pokoknya yang di atas itu yang acara lumayan besar dan diinget banget deh. Aslinya masih ada banyak bgt lagi gila ratusan momen yang indah banget deh di tahun ini. Alhamdulillah, gue rasa sih 2013 was definitely my beautiful year. Semuanya lebih baik daripada tahun2 sebelumnya. Couldn't be more grateful deh thankyou Allah.